Finding Myself

At first I thought I knew who I was. But then I learned that I cant know me until I've met God. Well I've met him and now, I've changed. God shows us what is truly in our hearts. He shows us what is good and what is bad. He shows what we actually are proud of and what we actually want to change. At first I thought I was okay with being that extremely fly chick who is laid back, nonchalant and just stays in her own zone. My own world was perfect. It was safe. And i never thought about what I did nor did I care what anyone else thought. But was that really safe? Or was I being controlled by a mindset that had me completely blind?......... After I met God. I met the devil. After I understood what God wanted from my life, I then got a chance to understand what the devil wants from my life. I had to ask myself. Who am I pleasing and who do I actually want to please... God wants a willing vessel. Someone who has a burden for lost people, hurting people, sad people. God wants someone who will go out and be completely selfless in order to bring people to a better place. God wants someone who is optimistic, caring, strong. God wants someone who is willing to stand out and stand up for what is right at all cost...... And thats what I want!!

The devil on the other hand wants someone who is selfish. He wants people to only focus on themselves and thier come-up. He wants someone who is obsessed with the natural things in life like; fashion, money, cars, emotion and status. The devil also wants us to be sad. He wants us to have those things to depend on, and when we dont have those things he wants us to feel like we are losing. And I felt that way! I felt comfort in being fly, I felt joy in going out spending money splurging and getting everything I wanted. I was good knowing that people looked up to me just because I was fly and cool, effortlessly. But at the end of the day..... Who did I help. What was my purpose. What was I building my life upon. Fashion? Money? Swag?
At this point in my life I now know that wasnt enough. NOW....im okay with not being the flyest. I'd rather make a difference in a child's life who has no hope. Im okay with not spending my money on just myself. I'd rather feed someone who didnt have a meal all week. Im okay with not being up on the latest music. I'd rather spend my spare time uplifting someone who doesnt think they can go on.
I dont want to work for the devil anymore. He has deceived me long enough. I've found myself.
I found me in God.
And I thank him.